Tuesday 21 May 2013

Mind, Body and Soul

Well we have talked about things that I have done and thought about doing for my mind and my may have noticed that I am more thorough on my follow through with my mind than with my body.  I'm gonna work on that.  Honest! The part of this process that keeps me moving forward though is the section I call soul.  Throughout all the turmoil of the last few years, even in my darkest moments I always had the reassurance of the presence of God in my life.  Many may scoff at me and think how could I possibly believe in a God that allows bad things to happen to good people.  I say "how do I go on when bad things happen without the promise that everything will work out for the good in the end".  My faith has been the light I cling to when all hope seems lost.  When I felt that the darkness was overwhelming me and I was alone I could find comfort in his presence. I will share a little bit of personal history with you to illuminate the foundation on which my faith has been sustained.  In my 38 years on this earth I have witnessed God's plan unfolding in my life.  I was born with a rare syndrome that left me no chance of conceiving a child.  God brought me 45 wonderful (ok some were more wonderful than others) children through being a foster parent.  Through his love I was able to adopt 4 of them.  I was mentally and sexually abused as a child and as a result I was able to understand the special needs of many abused kids that arrived in my home.  My parents divorced when I was 6 and my father gained custody of me and my sisters.  As an adult I was able to reach out to young mothers who were struggling because they had not had a mother figure in their lives.  My father died before I could find out why he never loved me and almost immediately I was placed on this path through anxiety and depression which has shown me what my father endured during his lifetime and has allowed me to reevaluate my perception of our relationship.  My best friend was killed days after celebrating my son's baptism (she is his Godmother) and rejoicing in the news that after many many years of infertility treatments and agonizing tests she was pregnant with her first child.  This taught me the depths of grief that we can experience and the need to reach out to others in their pain.  So now I sit here....waiting....praying...Lord I know you have plans for me.....please help me to be patient while you show me what this Social Anxiety and Panic stuff is all for.  Maybe his goal for me is just to reach you.  To let you know that you are not alone in all this.  My thoughts and prayers are with you. -Tracy

Teach me, my Lord, to be sweet and gentle in all the events of my life, in disappointments, in the thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity of those I trusted, in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied. Let me forget myself so that I may enjoy the happiness of others. Let me always hide my little pains and heartaches so that I may be the only one to suffer from them. Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes across my path. Let me so use it that it may mellow me, not harden or embitter me; that it may make me patient, not irritable; that it may make me broad in my forgiveness, not narrow or proud or overbearing. May no one be less good for having come within my influence; no one less pure, less true, less kind, less noble, for having been a fellow traveler with me on our journey towards eternal life. As I meet with one cross after another, let me whisper a word of love to You. May my life be lived in the supernatural, full of power for good, and strong in its purpose of sanctity. Amen.

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