Wednesday 29 May 2013


So I am sitting here feeling a little hung up in my own brain right now.  My therapists always say that I live in my head too much.  (Of course if I knew how to fix that I would not need them would I!) Anyway, my aunt died yesterday after a battle with brain cancer. I had not seen her in quite a long time and though my heart aches for my cousins I can't decide whether to go to the funeral.  Even knowing that she has passed has reopened so many wounds of loss I can't imagine what attending yet another funeral might dredge up.  As I was trying to decide what to "label" this post I wondered where does grief fall.  Is it under mind as my mind is certainly spinning with all the memories or is it spirit since the anguish I feel is most certainly deep within my soul.  I recall talking to the counsellor at Hospice and she told me once that we are not promised that things and people will never be taken from us, the promise is that the memories of the time we had can not be taken.  I grieve for the time I did not get to spend with my Dad making amends and finding answers.  I grieve for the plans I had with my best friend, plans to travel and experience, things that I will never do without her.  I grieve for my stepsister, for the relationship we never had and the loss of the opportunity to know her family.  When I am able to reflect on the memories of all these losses and smile at the moments I was given, rather than pine over the ones I had convinced myself were owed to me, I think I will be on the road to recovery....I think of the song "God Blessed the Broken Road" as it will lead me back to the joy that each of these people made in my life. I hope each of you is able to see the road ahead as being easier than the road behind you.  My thoughts and prayers are with each of you.

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;
Who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children;
Who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;
Who has left the world better than he found it;
Who has looked for the best in others and given the best he had;
Whose life was an inspiration
Whose memory is a benediction

Robert Louis Stevenson

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