The Scent of Lilacs

Hello stranger. I am pulling myself out of the darkness bit by bit. It has been a rough few months to say the least. Our world was turned upside down almost a year ago when someone we loved and trusted violated our family in a most heinous manner. It left us believing that there is no one in the world that is above suspicion, everyone has evil in them waiting for the opportunity to take hold.

An interesting point came out in the course of our ordeal and the ensuing legal battles afterwards: The Elephant in the room is there to protect us. All the "Let's Talk" and "Mental Health Awareness" campaigns mean nothing when you are called to testify. I was advised not to seek accommodation for my anxiety disorder (which was simply being interviewed via closed circuit rather than in front of the entire courtroom) and also cautioned about attending my regular counselling regime as it could be called into the case. The victim in question was due for a psychoeducational analysis to help diagnose a learning disability and that too was put on hold.

How is it that people who have sought medical intervention for their mental health can have it held against them, yet the people that quite obviously have untreated mental issues allowing them to behave in such moral less ways do not have it held against them?

Anyway, it's all over. The judicial system has shown once again that those preying upon the most vulnerable in our society have no fear of recourse as they will have no one to testify against them. That is why 1 in 4 Canadians with disabilities will be sexually abused in their lifetime. They are easy pickings thanks to a judicial system that has no safeguards to protect them.

My only consolation is that God promises that "vengeance is mine". So I will leave it to him to metre out the consequences of all this.

I admit it has all weighed heavily on my mind. It's so hard to let hatred and vengeance go, but I know that they will not serve me well as we continue on, healing as a family, supporting the victim, learning to trust again.

The other day I was outside waiting for my youngest to get off the bus from school. As I stood in front of my house, the sun shone brightly, the birds were singing and the breeze carried the sweet fragrance of the newly blossomed lilacs. It reminded me of a passage from a story I used to read to my children, The Selfish Giant.

"though winter came to the garden, every year the spring returned"

Sometimes it feels like our lives are stuck in perpetual winter, until one day we make it outside and can feel the breeze, enjoy the sunshine and take in the scent of fresh lilac. Then, we are able to realize that it has been merely a season in our life, and that it will have an ending just as it had a beginning. "This too shall pass."

I pray that if you are still feeling the crushing force of winter in your life, that you are able to find your way to the springtime. I am praying for you, today and always.