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Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Moving Forward One Step At A Time

Wow, this summer has gone by incredibly fast. I have to say that I did not do as well this summer as I did last. Last year my trailer was an oasis of tranquility for me. I felt safe and secure there and felt that I had achieved something for myself by leaving the house and going there. Somehow that lustre has worn off. This year it seems like all the commotion of other campers and just the business of the camp itself has me hiding inside more often then I would like. How do you explain to your children that they can't go swimming on Saturdays because there are too many people in the pool area. I told you that I had been taking the Omega 3 pills and I have stayed on track with that. My shaking has calmed down considerably and the joint pain has lessened as well. I have been able to stay out until around eight o'clock most nights which is a huge improvement over my previous six o'clock exodus. I feel like everyone is expecting me to just wake up one day and be back to the me I was 3 years ago. I know that is not going to happen. My life has changed, I have changed, but I still feel guilt over letting others down. I will be home from the camp in about two weeks and then I will start putting my very predictable schedule back in place. I will return to whatever therapy options are available. I will push on. But I am tired. No one here seems to understand how much energy it takes to just leave my bed in the morning. No one seems to see how hard I struggle each day to get out there and be part of the world (even if only for an hour). I am so thankful that I have made such good connections in the Anxiety Forums and Google+ groups or I might think I was alone in these struggles. My thoughts and prayers are with you always. -Tracy