More Tangled Thoughts

Ok, Ok...enough of the disney flicks....I know! This is the last one I promise. Just a thought though: Rapunzal  spends her entire young life wondering about the beautiful paper lanterns she sees illuminating the sky every year on her birthday. She dreams about seeing them up close and discovering their mystery.  She is however trapped in a tower which she never leaves as she feels she has to protect her very long magic hair.  As she finally sets off on her adventure she is weighed down by the lengths of hair.  She uses the hair to her advantage at several points in her journey but she feel that is is the magic hair that is the important part of who she is. Ironically it is when her hair is cut off that she is free to realize the life she dreams of.  I can empathise with this poor girl. No I don't think I am a long loss heiress....though I can hope....but I understand the feeling of needing to stay shut off from the world. To protect those things in my life that I feel define me.  What a liberating thing it would be to be able to let go....to cut off my hair so to speak and have the courage to see who I would become.  I think I better cut back on the Disney flicks...they may be getting too deep for me. I think its time to turn back to some mindless comedy that won't provoke my overactive analytical mind.  My thoughts and prayers are with you always and I am praying you are able to liberate yourself from whatever is weighing you down.
 

Bursting With Excitement

How time flies. It's almost time for our friend Kerry Connely's second book Shaken to hit the shelves. Guess what! She has been in contact to say that she will be stopping by to do an interview early in August. I don't know about you, but i can't wait to get my hands on this book. Kerry had become such a hero to me as she puts herself out there to raise awareness about the effects of abuse and depression.  Keep an eye out for her upcoming interview. Better yet, sign up for updates through google plus or bloglovin and you will be sent the update automatically. Take care and enjoy the weather. My thoughtts and prayers are with you.

Tracy

P.S. I REALLY AM SO EXCITED +author KLC

Alone In A Crowd

So its laundry day today. That is why I am home and not at the trailer. Once I figure out where to stick a washer and dryer in my paradise on wheels I won't need to traverse the country for clean socks. Did you have a good holiday (July 1st for my Canadian pals or July 4th for my American friends). Well, I dreaded Canada Day weekend since...well...last Canada Day probably. My husband's family seem to feel the need to congregate around this time of year. Usually it lasts for days and days but this year the bulk of it occurred on Sunday. The children and I decided to stay in the trailer in the afternoon and catch up on a few kid flicks but it was inevitable that they would be coaxed outside by the smell of bbq and the commotion of tents being erected. I ventured out onto the deck and it hit me like a mack truck. The attack. You know it. I was paralysed and barely made it to my comfy deck chair. They were all there, the Aunts and Uncles and Cousins all toting what seemed to be endless acquaintances and their offspring. Thank goodness that my husband built me that fence around our site last year. It kept the well meaning relatives at bay. The children went off to the celebration leaving me alone with no cover for my absence from the party. My husband was good enough to grab a plate of food at supper and wrangle the kids back to our trailer to eat with me. Once the sparklers and glow bands came out though I knew they would run off to be with the group. Not that I don't want them to. Of course I want them to have a wonderful time, but I selfishly also wished they would stay with me. Don't leave me there alone and exposed. At 9:00 the entire clan mounted the golf carts and went to the site of the fireworks. I was left alone at the edge of my fence looking out to see if I could catch a glimpse of the show. As the fireworks began to fly I could hear the ooohhhs and awwwws from the crowd and I shrank back feeling so low, so alone, so pathetic. What was stopping me from going. It is crazy. I am a grown woman and I can't leave my fenced yard? I think that this was the lowest moment I have had in a very very long time.  As I stood alone in the shadows of my tree hoping not to be noticed by any stray party goer I watched the fireworks as they lit the sky over the treeline. When I think I reached the bottom of my self indulgent pity party I lifted my heart and prayed for God to tell my WHY! Then I noticed in the dim light the soft glow of a firefly. Then another, and another. The entire tree was lit up in that eerie iridescent glow emitted from the tiny bugs. I felt a sense of peace rush over me and I knew I was not alone. I am never alone. I just have to take the time to listen to the whisper in my heart. Even though I would have loved to be with my kids as they watched the display of pyrotechnic genius, I am grateful that I was given that moment of   solitude to experience the love that will always be with me.  My thoughts and prayers are with you today and always.

Tracy

Guest Blogger This Friday!

Sometimes the most crucial part of our recovery is to learn to be positive. I can  already hear that little voice saying "Yah, I'm positive. Positive life sucks!". Life is hard. That's just the way it is. How we interpret our circumstances can make all the difference in how we experience life though. This week I hope to get in a few posts on the value of being positive when dealing with mental health issues. We will cap off the week with a guest post by fellow blogger Jamie Clark from Being Positive With A Depressive Soul. I am so excited to share her words of wisdom. Jamie has suffered from a depressive disorder for more than two decades. Make sure to check out her post Friday or better yet visit her blog and get to know her before she visits us. Thanks for sharing your story Jamie. You are a true champion of the mental health awareness movement. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

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Grief

So I am sitting here feeling a little hung up in my own brain right now.  My therapists always say that I live in my head too much.  (Of course if I knew how to fix that I would not need them would I!) Anyway, my aunt died yesterday after a battle with brain cancer. I had not seen her in quite a long time and though my heart aches for my cousins I can't decide whether to go to the funeral.  Even knowing that she has passed has reopened so many wounds of loss I can't imagine what attending yet another funeral might dredge up.  As I was trying to decide what to "label" this post I wondered where does grief fall.  Is it under mind as my mind is certainly spinning with all the memories or is it spirit since the anguish I feel is most certainly deep within my soul.  I recall talking to the counsellor at Hospice and she told me once that we are not promised that things and people will never be taken from us, the promise is that the memories of the time we had can not be taken.  I grieve for the time I did not get to spend with my Dad making amends and finding answers.  I grieve for the plans I had with my best friend, plans to travel and experience, things that I will never do without her.  I grieve for my stepsister, for the relationship we never had and the loss of the opportunity to know her family.  When I am able to reflect on the memories of all these losses and smile at the moments I was given, rather than pine over the ones I had convinced myself were owed to me, I think I will be on the road to recovery....I think of the song "God Blessed the Broken Road" as it will lead me back to the joy that each of these people made in my life. I hope each of you is able to see the road ahead as being easier than the road behind you.  My thoughts and prayers are with each of you.

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;
Who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children;
Who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;
Who has left the world better than he found it;
Who has looked for the best in others and given the best he had;
Whose life was an inspiration
Whose memory is a benediction

Robert Louis Stevenson