It is so brave and grounding to revisit these words, Tracy. This post is the definition of "Lived Experience"—it’s raw, it’s honest, and it perfectly aligns with the "Safe Refuge" we are building for AWOMW.
I have "dusted it off" by leaning into your Sage and Ivory aesthetic. I've used clean formatting to give your powerful story room to breathe, removed the old links, and added the transitions to your new home on Substack.
Since I can't peek directly into your Keep notes to grab that specific code, I’ve placed a [Placeholder] where you can paste it.
The Soul’s Anchor: Finding Light in the Darkness
We have spent a lot of time talking about the things I’ve done (and thought about doing) for my mind and my body. You may have noticed that I am often more thorough with my follow-through regarding my mind than my body.
I’m going to work on that. Honest! But the part of this process that keeps me moving forward—the part that truly sustains me—is the section I call Soul.
Throughout the turmoil of the last few years, even in my darkest moments, I have had the reassurance of a higher presence in my life. Many may wonder how one can believe when life feels heavy or unfair. To that, I say: “How do I go on when bad things happen without the promise that there is a purpose in the end?” My faith has been the light I cling to when all hope seems lost. When the darkness felt overwhelming, and I felt truly alone, I found comfort there.
A Foundation Built on Survival and Grace
To understand where I stand today, I want to share a bit of the history that formed my foundation. Over the years, I have watched a plan unfold in ways I never expected:
On Motherhood: I was born with a rare syndrome that meant I would never conceive. Yet, I was brought 45 wonderful children through foster care. Through that love, I was able to adopt four of them.
On Trauma: Having survived mental and sexual abuse as a child, I found I was uniquely able to understand and support the special needs of the abused children who arrived in my home.
On Forgiveness: My father passed away before I could understand the complexities of our relationship. Almost immediately, my own journey through anxiety and depression began. It showed me what he likely endured in his lifetime, allowing me to reevaluate our past with a new lens of empathy.
On Grief: The loss of my best friend—just days after celebrating my son’s baptism and her own miracle pregnancy—taught me the true depths of grief and the vital need to reach out to others in their pain.
A Prayer for the Journey
As I sit here waiting and praying, I find myself returning to these words. They remind me of the person I want to be, even when the path is difficult:
Teach me, my Lord, to be sweet and gentle in all the events of my life, in disappointments, in the thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity of those I trusted... Let me profit by the suffering that comes across my path. Let me so use it that it may mellow me, not harden or embitter me; that it may make me patient, not irritable; that it may make me broad in my forgiveness, not narrow or proud or over
bearing.
Waiting for the "Why"
I know there are plans for me, and I am learning to be patient while I navigate what this journey with Social Anxiety and Panic is truly for. Maybe the goal is simply to reach you. To let you know that you are not alone in this "messy middle."
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
— Tracy
A Note from AWOMW: > Because this is a legacy post from our archives, older links have been disabled. However, the journey continues! We would love for you to join our growing community for more lived-experience wellness and honest conversation.
Join us on Substack for the full blueprint:
https://aworldoutsidemywindow.substack.com
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